COVID19 & My Effects

Ever since Covid-19 has showcased its appearance on a stage blasting with tiresome yet never-ending content, I've been feeling numb.

With businesses & schools shutting down, poverty climbing high; money had become a risk on what to buy and how to save as much money as possible. Admittingly enough, there was a point where I was scraping for cash at the bottomless pit I call a purse.

I felt unworthy to this world because I couldn't provide for myself. My parents and my boyfriend stepped in to make sure I had food on the table. My grandma saw that I needed new tires on my truck before the next snow; she made sure I got from point a to point b.

I don't think they realized how much that meant to me when I never ask for anything; they saw my struggle and stepped-in.

An honest mistake I admit I shouldn't have done during Covid-19 is that I quit my job. At one point, their values didn't match with mine; and that's okay for the most part, it happens.

My biggest problem is that I felt as if I was drowning; I couldn't breathe because of putting in 30 hours every week - being constantly degraded as an employee, attending classes full-time, finding time to do homework - I was falling a bit behind, and maintaining a social life - sometimes I still feel I don't have one.

Not much longer, I found my dream job working as an Marketing Intern; a real yet authentic career-builder. I was truly excited when I landed the job; even though it's temporary.

Because I needed a fresh start. What a better place to get this start is such a positive environment. I've gained so much knowledge too.

Most importantly, I got back to feeling a bit more me again.

A little bit after landing my dream job, I received the option to work from home because conditions of Covid-19 in the town I live were almost in the red zone - not good. A majority of the time I was in the office. However, when I wasn't; it was for almost a week at a time.

I began to feel isolated which relayed upon my education and social life. This is because, school went online after Thanksgiving. I was at home a majority of the time, unless it was to get groceries or gas. Even though it was only for a week, I felt isolated.

At one point, my favorite professor; Ford, reached out to me to see if I was okay because my assignments have been late for more than a few weeks in a row. I straight up just didn't do an assignment. I admitted to my professor, I was feeling isolated; but I take full responsibility for not completing it.

I don't know if my professor realized I broke down after that conversation of him checking in on me. I cried for a majority of that morning, but I recognized I needed to push through to the end of the semester.

You know when you want something so desperately but you can't have it because it's for the best? I wanted to see my family & friends. I wanted to hug them and talk to them. Just to be right next to them would mean the world to me. I missed that social interaction. But I couldn't have it, because of Covid-19 blocking my way. It's like you're in prison talk to a family member through a plexiglass window.

Talking on the phone everyday would suffice for now. It's just a temporary fix until Covid-19 goes away for good.

The sacrifices, the isolation, the poverty, no social life; caused me to hit my breaking point.

But I am learning to manage; I've got a job I am excited to wake up to, my grades are getting better, I am able to afford more than just necessities. Mostly importantly, I am me again.

All that struggle. Now, I am beginning to flourish.

If you would like to see more, follow me on Twitter @AmandaH23942284.